New Venture Lab: Equipping Christian Entrepreneurs

I am not an expert on marrying off my children (they are still young) and I am not an expert on courting, but I do have the opportunity to meet and visit with many like-minded young men and women and most of the conversations of those in their early 20's turn to marriage and the preparation for marriage.

 

A typical question from the young men is how they should prepare in terms of their ability to provide.  Their questions include questions such as: Do they need to have a successful business first?  Should they own their own home first?  Should they be completely out of debt? 

 

These are worthwhile questions and a young man certainly needs to be prepared to provide based upon the patterns, principles and precepts of scripture such as found in Proverbs 24:27 "Prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field; afterwards, then, build your house." (NASB)

 

In other words, your ability to provide must precede "building your house" or starting your marriage and family.

 

While questions about the ability to provide are good questions to ask and certainly are extremely important in their role as future family leaders, providers and protectors, the comments from the young women are enlightening.  In their thinking, a potential suitor's ability to provide is far down the list of what they are looking for in a young man.

 

What young women (and their parents) are looking for in a young man:

1. His doctrine - this is a non-negotiable item and will typically be an early go-no go discussion.  What is his interpretation of the Bible and how does he live out his faith?  This is foundational to everything else and is critically important.  I have many conversations with young men who have not yet "decided" on where they stand on critical Biblical tenets, but yet they are in hot pursuit of a young maiden's heart.  They need to slow down and spend time with God and His Word first to build a rock solid platform on which to build a family.  Young women want to know that a young man loves God's Word enough to have studied it thoroughly and to have developed deep convictions about how to lead their lives and future families based upon doctrine that they can defend with scripture.
2. His character - this is also a non-negotiable item and will typically come out in the dialog, through observation and in "reference" conversations with others that know him.  One set of minimum guidelines are those laid out in the pastoral letters as elder qualifications.  Young women want to know that a man is a man of shining character that will make good choices, take appropriate action and has a sense of accountability.  Few things are more fearful for a young maiden than the fear of having mistakenly married a monster, tyrant or deviant that had major character flaws that only come out after the wedding.
3. His vision - this is extremely important to a young woman who is considering a young man.  Can he adequately articulate his vision?  Does he have a vision at all?  What is his life purpose and plan?  How is he preparing for it?  Is his vision worthy enough for the young woman to "die to herself" as she submits to him and spends the rest of her life supporting this vision of his?  Is his vision compelling enough for her to share his passion for it?

Somewhere further down the list is how the young man will provide in the near term. 

 

Young men, this is a call to action.  You need to be strategic and long-term in your planning and visioning as you seek God's will for your lives.  You also need to be tactical about how to provide a home and put food on the table in the near term.  Godly young women will demand a man with vision and they deserve one.

 

Your vision doesn't necessarily have to be a grand vision.  In most cases a true man of God is simply a man whose heart is turned toward God and makes himself available for God's use.  Here are just a few thoughts in terms of developing your vision and plan:

• How do you intend to grow in your own faith and practice spiritual disciplines in your life?
• How do you intend to live out your life and marriage?
• What is your view on family fruitfulness?
• How do you intend to disciple your wife and wash her in the Word?
• How do you intend to disciple and train your children?
• How do you intend to lead family worship?
• What do you look for in a church?
• Do you aspire to eldership in a church, and if so, how are you preparing for that?
• What do you intend to do with your children after they reach adulthood?
• What is your view on money and debt and how do you intend to manage the resources God provides you?

It is too easy for us as men to focus only on our role as provider and forget about our other important roles such as family and spiritual leader (which I did for many years.)  Therefore, as you plan your entrepreneurial ventures, spend the time required to develop a life vision based upon the talents and gifts that God has endowed you.  May we all strive to become the men God calls us to be.